FSA

surely, you all know the saying: "take the time to stop and smell the roses"

Something along those lines, anyways. Well, I tried that, it did little more than throw me completely off track with everything I was doing. Once you stop and smell the roses, the roses become so sweet it can be difficult to get going again.

Because once its time to get going again, you realize how late you are, and you realize all the reprocussions of how late you are. At this point it is easy to enter a state of panic, and panic is a horrible experience. For me, it lasts a short while before I just take things into perspective and keep on truckin', so to speak. For others, panic is a precursor to the quicksand of procrastination. This is not to say that I dont procrastinate on a daily, or hourly, for that matter, basis. And I may be rambling on at this very moment, not cognizant of the fact that I am one of these victims of which I speak. In any case, what I was trying to say is that this quicksand, it sucks you in, and sometimes its impossible to pull yourself out. I've recently witnessed multiple people give up on one thing or another (from a course, up to their entire college education!!) because of the overwhelming sense panic and procrastination team up to give someone.

That is why it is appropriate in these situations to just take a deep breath, and tell oneself:

"This too shall pass."

[end]

Dont

Does it really fucking matter how much money I make?


Yes.
well thats a problem

Sometimes I feel the only thing that can save me from myself---the bearing of the horrible thoughts I have found myself to be capable of thinking is music. In fact, its a great way to judge how serious an issue is for me. I am not talking about simply putting on my favorite record, although I am saying nothing against that, I am saying---

playing music with people who understand me, musically, allows me to--

holdon my jerkoff room mate's cell phone alarm just went off. why the hell he leaves it in here, I dont know.
Oh its his girlfriends. well that makes even less sense.

Ok, playing music with people who understand me, musically, allows me to (prepare for cheesy statement) express my true inner thoughts without fear of their effect on others. Nah thats not what I wanted to say, because half the time it doesnt even work that way.

I guess what I mean by all this garbled bullshit is that when playing music with those who parallel me on--skill level, interests, etc.--when that doesnt save me from a shitty day, there really aint nothin that will.

Thats why its a good say to judge whether certain emotions I may experience at any given time are anything to worry about.

Then again, everything I am saying here could very well be a direct example of cognitive dissonance--in which the areas of your brain which you use to conduct reasoning shut down--leaving your emotions to do the dirty work--making yourself feel better. In a sense...---OH! THERE IT IS! I HAVE IT! When the reasoning parts of my brain shut down, music can do the reasoning so that my emotions dont come in twisting and distorting my reality.

Music is the middleman.

[e nd]

Life Goes On

I think what really fucks me up emotionally, more than anything is suspense. If I know something is the case, one way or another, I tend to feel a whole lot better about it. The not knowing factor does not allow me to prepare for the result of the problem. This is, of course, how it is, for everyone, im sure. Just something that came to me today.

[end]

What brings me true happiness...

Knowing the people I care about


care about


me.


Knowing the people I think about


think about


me.


[end]