Dont

Does it really fucking matter how much money I make?


Yes.
well thats a problem

Sometimes I feel the only thing that can save me from myself---the bearing of the horrible thoughts I have found myself to be capable of thinking is music. In fact, its a great way to judge how serious an issue is for me. I am not talking about simply putting on my favorite record, although I am saying nothing against that, I am saying---

playing music with people who understand me, musically, allows me to--

holdon my jerkoff room mate's cell phone alarm just went off. why the hell he leaves it in here, I dont know.
Oh its his girlfriends. well that makes even less sense.

Ok, playing music with people who understand me, musically, allows me to (prepare for cheesy statement) express my true inner thoughts without fear of their effect on others. Nah thats not what I wanted to say, because half the time it doesnt even work that way.

I guess what I mean by all this garbled bullshit is that when playing music with those who parallel me on--skill level, interests, etc.--when that doesnt save me from a shitty day, there really aint nothin that will.

Thats why its a good say to judge whether certain emotions I may experience at any given time are anything to worry about.

Then again, everything I am saying here could very well be a direct example of cognitive dissonance--in which the areas of your brain which you use to conduct reasoning shut down--leaving your emotions to do the dirty work--making yourself feel better. In a sense...---OH! THERE IT IS! I HAVE IT! When the reasoning parts of my brain shut down, music can do the reasoning so that my emotions dont come in twisting and distorting my reality.

Music is the middleman.

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