Love yourself

Love yourself. It is understandable finally as to why it is unhealthy not to love yourself. When you love another person, you fear conflict with them because you fear conflict may result in the eventual separation between you and your loved one. This is true for nearly everyone, every type of relationship, whether it is a sibling or a spouse. You can have conflicts with yourself in the same manner that you can with anyone else, practically. You may grow angry at yourself for any number of reasons, you may not be able to understand yourself, which will frustrate you, you may fight with yourself on what you want to do. Your mind and body will quarrel. WIth another, you can always just walk away and isolate yourself from them, however, save for death, or brain death, I can think of no plausible way to leave your body unless it is through some sort of spiritual enlightenment. However this means is only effective if you know your body and love your body, and therefore would not be having these issues in the first place. So we can rule that one out. You can neglect yourself, but you can not get rid of your self unless you die.

Thats a conclusion I just came to, anyways.

[end]

losing

Ever get the feeling that something really great to you is beginning to slip between your fingers? Doesnt it just instill that sinking feeling within your stomach that is really unmatchable by any news short of your friends or family dying? Ok maybe a slight exaggeration. Besides its different than that. No this is a shitty feeling that comes in bursts and just makes you feel so horrible, because the feeling it gives you suggests there is really nothing you can do about this really great thing slipping away from you. Directly approching the problem may fix it, however if this just my anxiety acting up again, partnering up with my overactive imagination, and there is no problem, I would be merely creating a problem if anything. I suppose taking passive actions could help, again, assuming there is a problem. But what actions would I even take? Whcih are the right ones? To know that I would have to no have this problem out of the way. Theres a monkey wrench on my mood. Every once in a while, someone walks past and bumps the handle swinging it to the opposite side. Cant stop this cant stop this cant stop this cant stop this cant stop this feeling. Living. Thats what it is.

[end]

Taking a step outside...myself

approx 115
------------
On a day such as this, that which starts off well, is so-so and it's becomings progressively worse, I could not retain my head.

Cold, wet, rainy, bike crash, shitty technology, nagging by ladies I do not formally know...

those are some of the adjectives and verbs which can describe this day. And when I said verbs, I was meaning to say nouns, so please substitute it respectively.

I was internally burning, my body could not react in a way other than provoking my mind, whichever part it is, that causes me to speak; to utter numerous combinations of curse words. "FUCK THIS SHIT" "FUCK ME" "GOD, FUCK IT ALL RIGHT NOW" et cetera. It led me to ponder myself. What was I doing? Aside from being a nearly broke college student I can not think of anything else that is not wonderful at this time of my life. I looked at myself from a birdseye view. I'm only a cultivation of matter, but as one once said, Matter is never without spirit, and spirit is never without matter. Im not so sure about the latter half of that quote, but focusing on the primary segment: i am not an insignificant speck of matter. Even if I were to be stranded in the middle of the ocean, alone, starving to death, I would merely be insignificant to my immediate surroundings. Numerous others would be directly affected in one way or another due to my disappearance. Who I am matters, to some degree. I took some deep breaths, exchanged formalities and informalities with some comrades while inhaling fumes of cancer. I took a walk. My cooler head has prevailed, once again my perceptions are intact with content.

To label this entry as narcissistic would be a deep misunderstanding; and if one should take it as such, please, I will be happy to explain.

133
[end]

A bottomless list

Well I suppose aside from money everything is going nothing short of spectacular at the moment. Fueled by shelled peanuts I procrastinate my way into another sleepless night, for while I should be writing elsewhere I find myself writing here. Well whatever Im a rough draft to this world at least for a while. I am constantly stifled by thoughts, always prodding me to ask "why?".
I find myself to be overly of myself at times, resulting my my imagination, I sure do let that thing run free.

i look towards my morning and see nothing there except fried liquid egg yolks, a cup of lipton and letter/number symbols in a room not unlike a prison. This looks doubleplusungood to me.

So whatever you got from that, make sure you also get it in your skull, not to suppress yourself.