Even by today's standards, that's style.

Throbbing guilt/pleasure/pain/hurt triggered by a point source that i shouldnt feeeeel yes I am writing a run on sentance its my right to write as I feel is right. Rite. now there's a word. We dont have a real rite of passage these days in this contemptable pile of bullshit we call a society. What we have is a society based on fear, this is why we follow traffic signals. However some of the younger generation have no fear, which is why the powers that be lash out at the youth. Why don't they (we?) follow these rules? Most cases is stupidity. Everyone thinks theyre invincible until some major shit happens to them. But thats my problem. No major shit has ever really happened to me. And believe me theres no way I would even go about calling myself invincible..........I think my problem is that until now I have not seen the future as something that would actually happen. But here I am. At the place I thought I would never be. Santa Cruz. Nice place, really. I was wondering what would happen the night before I left, a little over a month ago. I was wondering if I would incinerate in a horrible car fire along with my father and all of my belongings boy that would be some major shit.

II.

My other major problem is that I dont know who I am. Do you know who I am? No, how the fuck would you know that? You some kinda psychiatrist? Nah, youre a matrix typed up by some programmer youre really just matter. Matter is energy. Energy condensed to a slow vibration (thanks tool) and so are you. So am I. More on this in the future, my train of thought has changed tracks.

III. And for that matter what the fuck are we doing spending money to earn money? What an ironic thought.

IV. Vaccines. Do we trust them? Sure. But can you explain to me why I can count the number of times I've had the flu (1) in the past few years, when I have only had 1 vaccine in those same past years? The vaccine I did receive in 8th grade was a tetnis/diptheria (thats still around?) vaccine for Costa Rica. But thats it. Now I have relatives calling me up telling me I must incorporate a disease into the natural breakdown of my body. They tell me that I have merely ridden on the coat tails of the vaccinated kids over the past years. You know what I say to that? What a bunch of SHIT! FUCK drug companies, FUCK puppet doctors, FUCK puppet governments, and primarily, FUCK regents who have me taking out loans so they can have more money to buy their son a jaguar that he'll probably crash anyways. Nobody can fuckin drive these days. Fuck the fee hikes, last ditch option my ass. Stop pocketing.

V. Why is eye contact so important? Seriously. What is it in your brain that connects you to someone when you make eye contact? NO, none of those bullshit philosophical answers. Ok fine but only if theyre entertaining. Scientifically is what I am referring to though. What, scientifically changes when you make eye contact with another human being?

VI. What the hell am I doing on here? What do I want? Sympathy? For what? Attention? On what? I get quite a bit of attention as it is, negative and positive.

VII. I have successfully fucked my sleep cycle. Sodomized it, to be specific. Thats why I feel great now and shitty during the day. No insomnia yet.

VIII. Clockwork Orange: what the fuck!

IX. At times like this I want earplugs to drain my thoughts. Im feeling the effects of coffee I drank hours ago. Didn't kick in back then. Maybe this coffee has a delay or somethin. Coffee delay. New Concept. I patent it. You all witnessed it, bitches.

X. I realize that I make no sense in half the shit ive said here. Perhaps you can pull some sort of deeper understanding of myself from this material. I should really stop flattering myself, why is it that I think everyones interested in who I am? If i've learned one thing its that in the end, besides your family, (if that), aint nobody else gives a fuck about you.

XI. I feel sorry for myself. I dont know what I did to feel any sorrow. Perhaps its not anything I did at all.

XII. All her friends call her little wing, she flies rings around them all. Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blahhhhh blah blah, and gives them feathers as they fall.

XIII. Had to add 13. Boy this will get tricky when my knowledge of roman numerals runs out. Anybody wanna help me with that?

No seriously. Give me a breakdown of the roman numeral system. Thats all I really ask. I dont even ask you to read this whole thread but merely the request just made will do.

Or nothing.

Sincerely,

Zeph A.D.